(Sources: left, right)
With thanks to reader Marilyn for translating it, here is the second of four articles on that theme that were recently published in the Yonsei Chunchu (연세춘추) campus newspaper:
대학생들, 신중하게 즐겨라, 섹스 칼럼니스트 박소현 인터뷰
University students, enjoy cautiously! Interview with sex columnist Park So Hyun
현재 「일간스포츠」에 ‘처녀들의 수다’라는 칼럼을 연재하고 있는 박소현 칼럼니스트의 원래 직업은 방송작가다. 연애칼럼으로 시작해 자연스레 섹스에 관련된 칼럼을 쓰고 있다. 저서로는 『쉿! She it!』『남자가 도망쳤다』가 있다. 섹스에 대해 거리낌없이 글을 쓰지만 보수적인 집안에서 자라 지금도 필명으로 활동하고 있다. 박 칼럼니스트에게 대학생들의 연애와 섹스에 대해 물어봤다.
Park So Hyun, whose column “Single Girls’ Talk” currently appears in ‘Ilgan Sports’, originally wrote for TV programs. After starting with a dating column, she now naturally writes a column related to sex. Shh! She it! and He Escaped are among her writings. Though she writes openly about sex, she grew up in a conservative household and so even now uses a pen-name. We asked Ms. Park about the love and sex lives of university students.
Q. 설문조사에서적지않은수의학생들이연애에서성관계는필수적이라고답했습니다. 연애에서섹스가필수적이라고생각하시는지?
Q: In a study, considerable numbers of students said that sex is essential to dating. Do you think that sex is essential to dating?
A. 동의합니다. 그렇다고 사귀면 무조건 해야 된다는 이야기는 아니고, 상대에 대한 마음의 깊이에 따라 신중하게 결정하는 과정이 뒷받침돼야겠죠. 섹스를 원하는데 사회의 기준을 따르느라 ‘하면 안 된다’라고 생각하거나 이를 억지로 참는 건 좋지 않다고 생각해요. 하지만 20대 초중반에는 성욕과 사랑을 구분하는 게 어려울 수 있어 섹스가 관계를 그르치게 되는 경우가 많을 수 있어요. 그러니 연애가 성숙해지고 나서 신중하게 결정하는 것이 필요해요.
A: Yes, I think so. However, that’s not saying that it’s something you absolutely must do when dating, and it must be supported by a careful decision-making process according to the strength of your feelings toward your partner. I think wanting sex but following society’s norms and thinking “Having sex is not allowed”, or suppressing it forcefully, is not good. However, in our early to mid-20’s, separating sexual desire from love can be difficult so there can be many cases in which sex ruins a relationship. Therefore, dating requires making decisions carefully after becoming mature.
Q. 잡지를보면성관계에서의고민에서테크닉에대한조언까지성에대한정보가넘쳐나는데, 대학생들에게이런정보가도움이된다고생각하시는지?
Q: Because of worries about sex, magazines are overflowing with information about sex that even goes as far as advice about technique. Do you think that this kind of information is helpful to university students?
A. 저도 가끔 의뢰가 들어오면 잡지에 글을 쓰기도 하는데, 그런 정보들에는 트렌드가 담겨있어요. 물론 테크닉이나 내 애인은 어떤 걸 좋아할지를 참고할 수는 있겠지만 결국 성적 문제는 자기 기준, 자기 인생관에 결부되는 문제예요. 트렌드보다 자신이 더 중요하죠.
A: If a commission comes in, I also sometimes write for magazines; that kind of information includes (is made up of?) trends. Of course, technique or what my partner will like can be taken into consideration, but in the end sexual problems are problems linked to personal standards and outlook. One’s self is more important than trends.
Q: When you’ve looked at the tendencies of young people today have there been any amazing or surprising points?
A. 정말 사회가 많이 개방적으로 변한 것 같다고 생각이 든 게, 혼전섹스나 동거 같은 것이 많이 자유로워진 것 같아요. 전 30대 후반인데 제가 학교 다닐 때만 해도 그런 얘기 자유롭게 못했었거든요. 놀라웠죠. 책임이 뒷받침돼야 한다는 사실만 기억한다면 괜찮다고 생각해요.
A: The thing that makes me think that society seems to have really become more open is that things like premarital sex and living together seem to have become much more natural. I’m in my late 30s and even just when I was going to school, we couldn’t speak freely about that kind of thing. It’s surprising. If you just remember the fact that responsibility needs to underlie it (it needs to be backed up by responsibility?), I think it’s okay.
Q: Is there any advice you would like to give to university students?
A. 제가 처음 칼럼을 쓰기 시작할 때는 예전에 실패했던 경험들을 반성하는 느낌으로 많이 썼어요. 20대는 정말 실수할 수밖에 없는 시기라고 생각해요. 제가 자주 하는 말 중에 “나쁜 섹스는 빨리 잊어라”라는 말이 있는데 연애나 성관계에서의 실수와 자기 인생을 너무 깊게 연관 짓지 않았으면 좋겠어요. 물론 실수를 통해 깨닫는 바는 있어야 하겠죠. 하지만 그 실수에 얽매이지 말고 털고 일어나라는 거예요. 그리고 다시 한번 말하자면, 신중해야 해요. 저도 한때 남자들과 많이 자봤다는 걸 자랑스럽게 생각한 적도 있지만 결혼하고 나서 돌이켜보니 그렇게까지 할 필요가 있었을까하는 생각이 들어요. 자기감정, 욕구에 솔직해 자유롭게 관계를 가지는 것도 좋지만 절제할 줄 아는 미덕도 있잖아요. 그때는 멋있어 보이고 즐거울 수 있지만 뭐든지 얻는 게 있으면 잃는 게 있기 마련이에요. 가벼운 생각으로 결정했을 때는 후회가 반드시 뒤따를 수 있다는 것을 명심했으면 좋겠어요.
A: When I first started to write my column, I often wrote with a feeling of self-reflection on my past failed experiences. I think that our 20s are a time when we really can’t help but make mistakes. “Forget bad sex fast” is among the things I often say, and I hope that they don’t make (feel?) a connection between their mistakes in dating or sexual relationships and their lives too strongly. Of course, through mistakes we have to come to some realizations. But don’t get tied up in the mistake, let it go and get back up. And to repeat myself, you have to be cautious. For a time I also thought with pride about the fact that I’d slept with many men, but after marriage, when I looked back, I wondered if going that far was necessary. Being honest about your personal feelings and desires and having relationships freely is good, but there is also the virtue of self-control. At that time I looked cool and could have a good time, but if there’s anything to gain there’s certain to be something to lose. I hope they keep in mind that if a decision is made without much thought, regret can certainly follow.
5 thoughts on “Sex and the University: Part 2”
My short time here has almost come to an end. Nevertheless, everyday I wonder if what’s shown is really what it is. I suppose that in many respects they are already quite “liberal”, just a bit afraid to show it off, bound to traditions and customs and… times that are a-changing. Correct me please.
Tangentially: Is it just me or everyone around here seems to be very fond of those “deer-engraved” sweaters? I used to like them too, but now I don’t anymore!
“Talkin ’bout my saturation”?
Never noticed them until you pointed them out. But now that you have, then suddenly I’m seeing them all the time!
You know what? This is the first time I can remember reading an article/interview about sex (in general, versus a specific aspect) that taught me something I didn’t already know. She seems like she has a really good, healthy attitude and it’s given me some food for thought. Thank you so much for translating. ^^
Glad to hear it. Don’t thank me though, thank Marilyn!
On a completely unrelated note, you mentioned that you liked this song on your blog, so I thought you might also enjoy my own favorite version of it (although the piano section in the original is pretty good too!):